I actually agree with something that came out of the Post and Courier

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What are men called to?

I recently posted a video on my Facebook account accompanied by the status update indicating that I was "signing off" of Facebook indefinitely. I had been feeling this way about Facebook for quite some time and the video I viewed just made the decision that much easier. You may wonder why I feel this way and the answer is a very simple:

1) Facebook is trifling ... especially for men. Trifling can be defined as: to piddle, waste time, or spend one's time inefficiently. For me, and others if you are being honest with yourself, I have piddled - wasted time - and been very inefficient while on Facebook and other websites. I have wasted time, time that could have been much better spent with family, or another brother in Christ.

2) We were not made to play video games, or sit in front of the TV or Internet. We were made to fight, to strive, to work, to conquer, and to give our lives for something that is eternal. We were made to fight, fight to advance the Kingdom. Facebook, and other "social networking" sites, are temporal ... not a cause that we need to fight for or invest in.

3) Our God is sovereign. To think that God needs Facebook (or anything else man made), or that something will not ultimately be accomplished for his glory if you are not on Facebook, is absurd.

I believe my greatest responsibility is to disciple my family and bring my children up in the "training and instruction of the Lord." Therefore, I examine everything from that perspective. I must ask myself - does this help me lead and disciple my family? If the answer is no, than something needs to change. I want my son to see me as a man, acting like a man. I don't want him to grow up knowing the "status" of his brothers in Christ because of Facebook, I want him to grow up seeing me interact with other men, praying for other men and serving with other men. I also want to give my daughter a clear picture of what MAN should be, so when she is courted by a young man - she will know what to expect and will accept nothing less. I also do not want to exasperate her by requiring something of her future spouse that I don't live up to myself. I fully realize the gravity of the fact that I am the greatest determining factor in what she views as acceptable from men. I pray her standards are high and Godly. I think that is a pretty good measure of fatherhood... just examine what your daughter expects of men.

Deuteronomy 6
Love the LORD Your God 1 These are the commands, decrees and laws the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, 2 so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. 3 Hear, O Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your fathers, promised you.
4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. [a] 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Ephesians 6
Children and Parents 1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."[a] 4Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

My heart is grieved ... what has happened to Man

My heart is grieved.  I just spent an awesome evening with two of the most incredible young men in our church planning renovations for the church nursery and it is going to be AWESOME!  But what I realized on the way home is that they are the exception.  The man that leads his family, the man that is not afraid of confidently making decisions for his family and standing by them, the man that provides for his family within his means, the man that disciples his wife and children, the man that is an obedient follower of Christ, the man that does not hand responsibilities of parenting or discipling his children over to others, the man who's decisions are not swayed by the winds of persuasion - but rather by The Word... that is what these men are, but like I said, they are the exception.  

It grieves me that I live in a world where I just happened to turn on the TV and the first show I see is "Everybody Loves Raymond."  Talk about a show that degrades the role of man, father and husband.  How did it win so many awards???  As a man you are not supposed to be this dumb, goofy, silly, unengaged father and husband who gets laughed at for making a fool out of himself all the time.  

You are to lead your family in the ways of Christ, you are to be feared and revered by your children, most (if not all) of their discipleship should go on in the home because of the actions that you take to make it so, you are to be above reproach, you are to conduct your finances in a manner that you do not become a slave, you should be ready to sacrifice your life for your bride, and you should fully understand your role as the leader of your household and it is YOUR responsibility to ensure that your bride understands her role.

Ephesians 5:23–25 (ESV)

23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

.." 

What does this mean to me?  It means all the things I said above and it means that just as Christ was willing to suffer the cross for " the joy set before him" (Heb. 12:2)... I too should be willing and ready to suffer and sacrifice whatever He calls me to for my bride.  Also notice that I don't say, "suffer and sacrifice for my family."  I think the Lord is very specific in the natural order of things and how He works... my bride ALWAYS comes before my children.  Shelley is the most beautiful, powerful, influential, gifted women when she is fulfilling her role in the home as helper (see Genesis 2:18).  It is truly amazing.  Some women may be offended by comments such as these, but I find that very confusing.  What could be more important than caring for God's little creations while the husband is out providing for his family.   Wow!  What an honor.  Pray for the men of the church and the men of this country.

Ducks in a row ... what ducks?

It was a rough day for Shelley and I.  We both work on Thursdays (one of her two days), and as soon as I get off, I drive to Mt. Pleasant to pick up the kids.  Already frustrated, we finally made it to the bed for a few minutes of conversation.  For a reason I will later explain, Elliana had been on my mind.  I began to think about the day we started to lose her.  Shelley was driving with all three kids in the minivan down a road we travel often in Charleston and she looked in the rear view mirror only to see Elliana with her arms straight out and turning blue.  She called me and immediately looked for a place to pull over.  I, unfortunately, was on the other side of town but somehow managed to make it to her quickly.  She pulled over to find that Elliana had stopped breathing for quite some time, but was starting to come around by the time I got there. This was the first of her many episodes of apnea that day.  As I started to tell Shelley what I had been thinking about, she naturally responded with tears, which of course was never my intention.  As I lay there trying to comfort her and at the same time thinking about my beautiful, strong wife pulling her dying baby out of the car seat in the van on the side of the road that day, I was awestruck.  My wife is the most beautiful, strongest, woman I have ever known.  God!  What did I do to deserve her .....NOTHING.  Thank you, Lord.  Then I started to think ... had we really gone through that?  Then my mind went to what the Lord has done ...  it is truly amazing.

Shelley and I have had the blessing of getting to speak with many younger couples on the topics of marriage, children, discipline, etc.  One of the things that we have recently realized is that we have been profoundly changed and influenced by Elliana's life.  Some might say, "well, how could you not be?"  To which my response would be, "no, you don't even understand ... PROFOUNDLY changed."  It is almost like we have had trouble relating to people on some issues because our view of God is soooo much bigger than it used to be.  You see at the age of 26 I thought I had everything all mapped out. We would have 2-4 kids, live in a nice house where no one had to share a bedroom, the kids would attend private school, Shelley would - of course - work to be able to put the kids in private school (note the sarcasm please), I would have a a good job and a BMW, a dog, a boat, etc... you get the picture.  Then I started to grasp the concept of multi-generational faithfulness and what that meant for my family.  I started to realize the selfishness of my paradigm.  I started to understand that children were meant for a blessing and they were fulfilling.  What is more fulfilling then playing a vital role in our Lord creating another life?  My selfish paradigm, consequently, experienced a dramatic shift.  We immediately realized that it was not our role to open and close the womb (save that for another post), our role is to allow the Lord to work.  Well, work he did and we were soon pregnant with Elliana.  All my ducks were still somewhat in a row and then we had our first ultrasound and her subsequent birth and then going to be with Jesus.  Our "ducks were in a row" until the Lord decided to entrust us with a life that He trusted us to give back only 27 days later. Our proverbial pond was rocked and I felt our ducks were definitely not in a row.  But as I have said before, my feelings on our circumstances didn't matter.  God had us right where he wanted us. 

I think this has been the biggest shift for us.  We are now not afraid to allow the Lord to work in our lives.  Sometimes it may mean we are inconvenienced, but in the end if it is for His Glory ... who cares?  In the words of John Piper, "He did not die to make much of us, but to free us to enjoy making much of God forever."  The goal of the cross was not us, it was to free us from eternal condemnation in order to worship Him.  Thank God our God is a jealous God. EVERYTHING He does is for His glory including the next child that Shelley is currently pregnant with :-).  See, when you read to the end you get the good stuff.  That is why I was thinking of Elliana.  I knew we were having another child and I think it made me long for the ones we lost.

Romans 5:9-11: "⁹Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! ¹⁰For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! ¹¹Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation."

All this to say, that is has been more about allowing God to do what He sees fit in our lives because He does everything for His glory and we don't want to get in the way.  Even when allowing Him to work means not "sparing the rod" on my son or daughter, or not preventing conception, or fulfilling the Biblical roles of marriage.  The right and Biblical way to do these things is so counter culture, but so God-magnifying.  Thank God the Lord knew right where my ducks needed to be and I didn't mess it up.

Oh the infamous 15 minute joy ride ... that turns into 4 hours!

Miles and I wanted to go for a quick ride in the Jeep. We have an area in our neighborhood underneath some power lines where we can go "off road" a little bit. We were just about to head back home when I saw one more spot I wanted to try to get through. I took it too slow and we got stuck. Fortunately, Adam and Jenny (our wonderful neighbors) were having a ping pong tournament (of which I wasn't really invited because Adam knew I would beat him). Anyway, I digress... I got stuck and had to call Adam. Adam sent our friend Tommy with his truck to pull me out. Tommy then proceeds to get stuck as well. So I called our other great neighbor, and brother-in-law, Matt who came to pull Tommy out. Well, what do you know... Matt also got stuck. So then we called Adam who came and pulled Matt out. Then a few guys just pushed me and my Jeep a little and I managed to trudge through the rest of it and I tried to pull Tommy out ... that didn't work. Finally another guy named Zack came and tried to pull Tommy out and he got stuck too. Matt pulled him out and then Zack managed to pull Tommy out. It was quite an experience. Check out the pictures.

She's here ... the Jeep that is

Well, my CJ arrived 2 days early and we got to pick it up yesterday. It sounded exactly like my old '83 CJ... it was great to drive it home. The body was a little more rusty than I had anticipated and I have to decide how to tackle that - repair it over time or try to find a tub and swap it. In the mean time I plan to just enjoy it with my wife and kids. Once we got home with it yesterday, we took the kids around the block for a quick ride and Eli got to sit in the front passenger seat next to me. As we pulled back in the driveway he had a huge smile on his face and he said, "vroom, vroom, vroom!" Which of course, in turn, put a HUGE smile on my face.

ETA

So I now have an estimated time of arrival (ETA) for our project. The Jeep (I need a name for her) should arrive February 27th. Maybe we could just call it "eep!" since that's what seems to come out of Eli's mouth when he tries to say Jeep... we'll see.